Have you ever noticed that the way people apologize has changed over the last decade or so. It used to be that when someone did something wrong or hurtful, they would say, "I'm terribly sorry for doing something so wrong and hurtful." There is something satisfying in that apology and sufficiently humbling for the apologist that allows the person offering the apology to be redeemed. There is an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an acceptance of responsibility by the wrondoer and a sincere attempt to offer regret.
Over the past few years, whenever I hear someone apologize - especially when it comes from a public figure - it seems to go more like this: "I understand that some people were offended by what I said. It was not my intent to hurt anyone and it is unfortunate that my intentions were misunderstood. I am sorry if anyone was offended." Now, that is your classic, new millenium, lawyered up apology. It places the responsibility for the injury or harm on the injured or harmed. It is like saying, "Yeah, maybe I punched him in the face. But it is just too bad that he was such a wuss that he couldn't take it. I am truly sorry that he couldn't take it like a man."
Now, let's just make something clear.
THAT IS NOT AN APOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is no acknowldgment of wrongdoing, only an acknowledgment that someone thinks they were wronged. There is no acceptance of responsibility for wrongdoing, of course, since there is not even an acknowledgment of wrongdoing. And finally, the expression of regret is like a cold cup of hot chocolate. It is so wildly unfulfilling and inappropriate because it is easily seen for what it is - a total dodge.
Though this may seem a minor issue, to me it is emblematic of a much greater problem in our society. It evidences a lack of willingness to take responsibility for one's actions and it sends a horrible signal to everyone, to wit, don't get caught, but if you do, maintain plausible deniability even when saying sorry, or something sort of like sorry, at least.
By the way, if you read this and are offended, I am sorry that you were too daft not to understand it. Forgive me, please.
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1 comment:
LOL Boy, you and I are actually on the same wavelength here. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when I hear one of these new-fangled, completely disingenuous "apologies" of late. A classic recent example is Tim Hardaway's not-so-enlightened comments on gays. He only apologized for offending... not for what he said.
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